standard Torpedo Your First Date (or any other) With These Rookie Moves

SwankLife.comWe wish we could rest confident in the knowledge that no reader of Swank Life would be downright silly or ignorant enough to make one of the following date killer moves. But there’s always the exception that disproves the rule, which means there’s probably at least one dude out there who will read the following suggestions and say, “Good advice! I’ll try THAT next time.”

Clean Thyself: If you’re not excited enough about the coming evening to bother with showering, shaving, and brushing your hair, you have no business dating. We’ll tell you that right now. In case you haven’t noticed, women tend to be the cleaner of the genders, and you can bet she’s likely to spend an inordinate amount of time looking her best for you. If you want a second date, return the favor because she will hold your slovenliness against you, and nothing else.

Don’t be late: This is a pet peeve of ours. What does it say to another person when you show up five or ten minutes past an appointed time? To us it says, “I’m a self-absorbed, unreliable jerk,” in big, bold letters. Seriously, buy an alarm clock, pay someone to call and remind you to get your rear end moving, whatever it takes to be on time. Having said that, being on time also means no more than five minutes early. She might be putting the finishing touches on her appearance and would prefer that all the work that goes into looking like a supermodel remain a mystery for the time being.

Listen first, then talk: If you think that a recounting of all your feats and accomplishments makes good dinner conversation, you’re wrong. The secret to winnowing your way into her heart is to ask questions and then actually listen to the answers. It’s really that easy. If you hear yourself blathering on for minutes without her voice contributing anything to the conversation, you are in the midst of a flame out.

No Dutch Dating: If you don’t plan on paying for whatever activity the two of you decide to participate in, you’re a nebbish which, according to a quick look at the dictionary, means a pitifully ineffectual sad sack. You might run into the occasional feminazi who insists on paying her portion. We advise you to take her up on the offer, get her home as quickly as possible, and run away as fast as you can. Changing your name, appearance, and joining the witness relocation program is optional.

Got it? Now go get some – more dates, that is.

The Swank Life Team

Flickr / Ed Yourdon