standard Sport Dating for the Modern Don Juan

5134844399_fccdafe685_mDating, that delicate dance for the continuation of our species, has changed greatly for Generation-Y, so much that it resembles a sport more than anything else. Long gone are the days of flowers at the front door, a milkshake at the corner diner, and a chaste peck on the cheek at the end of the night. In its place we have a whirlwind of Facebook status updates, amorphous date etiquette, and a quickening of the whole process.

Are you a sport-dater? Check yourself against the list below.

Home Run on the First Date

To be honest with our word selection, Generation-Y doesn’t really date, but rather sleeps around for varying periods of time. Often it’s a one-night stand and creep out the door before she wakes up. Other times, you may choose to knock boots with the same person for several months in a row. But it’s not dating, at least not as previous generations would define it. More like waiting for a better offer to come along.

Who’s Gonna Change Facebook Status First?

If you’d rather lose all your fingers in a mysterious gardening accident than be the first to change your Facebook status to the exalted, dreaded “in a relationship,” you’re not alone. Why the bloody hell does it even matter? Because we’re all bloomin’ idiots. Who knows? But it does. Don’t be the pitiful dolt to change first. It’s the modern version of saying “I love you” and then be left twisting in the wind waiting for the expected rejoinder. Except when there’s no reciprocation, the whole world knows!
The STD Buffett

Like it or not, the prospect of multiple partners comes at a price. Despite medical advances in treating and preventing sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), there probably a baker’s dozen worth of nasties that can set up shop in your nether regions and elsewhere. The tricky part is that it used to be easy to spot the people with sexually open lifestyles who were liable to pass on something. Not anymore. It could be anybody!

Technology’s Arbitrary Rules

Pre-1995, all you had to worry about was how to long to wait before placing that important return call. These days we’ve got new devices and messaging services multiplying like bunnies on a three-day bender. With the recent urge of Snapchat, Instagram, and even Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter seem kind of stodgy. What the hell is the etiquette for all this stuff? The bottom line: no one knows.

Jake Swank sez, good luck out there sport-daters. You’re going to need it. (Image: Flickr | El Coleccionista del Instantes)

* Read more from Swank Life
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Derek and the Swank Life Team
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