Become a good listener in your dating life and you have it made. Seriously. Most of us (guys and gals alike) are terrible listeners. It must be something genetic. We’re so focused on the next clever thing we want to say that we completely ignore what is being said by her right now. In short order, she comes to the conclusion that, “You don’t get me,” and your chances of getting her phone number are gone forever. If only someone had told you earlier that having another person in the conversation is not simply to provide time to catch your breath between dissertations.
Listening skills are critical and here’s how to get ’em.
1. Know your personal communication style. Are you a bombastic blowhard? Or maybe a barely audible Clint Eastwood wannabe? Probably you fall somewhere in between. The trick is you need enough self awareness to figure it out so you can emphasize certain natural characteristics depending upon the woman you’re talking to. If she’s shy and soft spoken, don’t lean over and pin her ears back with your exuberance. It’s probably going to make her quite uncomfortable. You don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not – just mitigate the conflict.
2. Receive and don’t deflect. There are certain choices related to body language that go a long ways towards convincing her you’re interested in what she’s saying. Focus on her face. Hold
eye contact frequently. This means you’re listening. Turn your body towards her to prove she has your undivided attention. Nod every once in a while, in the right spots, but not so much that you look like a trained seal.
3. Verbal listening. Verbal cues reassure her you’re actually paying attention, which is a big part of listening. Who knew, huh? Yes, listen to her words, process them through that mush you call brains, and be prepared to make a few short cogent comments to prove it. Something like:
“You’re so right. One time a squirrel chewed off my small toe too!”
“Wow, what was it like to grow up as the middle child of a circus performer?”
See how it works? Take in what she’s saying. Bounce it back in shorter form to keep her talking and, most of all, don’t just act interested. BE interested.
The Swank Life Team
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