Sometimes the easiest way to define a term is to tell you what it’s not. So it is with swank. We were innocently surfing the Internet today, doing a bit of research for random topics that might or might not hold any interest to you, when it happened. Christmas videos from Larry the Cable (LTCG). If you’re not familiar with Larry’s antics, we’d like to congratulate you on your incredibly good fortune. Remember Jeff Foxworthy of You Might Be a Redneck… fame? He was the original standup funny guy to make a living mocking rednecks.
But Larry the Cable Guy’s cut off long shirts, baseball cap and droopy jeans make Foxworthy appear absolutely debonair by comparison. If ever you were looking for the Anti Swank, LTCG would be our first nominee. Keep in mind we’re not here to say that Mr. Cable Guy doesn’t get any woman he wants; there’s a very good chance he does but any success he enjoys with the opposite sex can be described completely with two words: money and beer.
For those who might still be hazy about the subtle stance this article takes, we’ll make it clear. Larry the Cable Guy is not swanky in the least. If swanky lives here on earth, Larry is renting a shotgun shack somewhere in the Alpha Centauri galaxy. Here are a few particular ways we suggest you differentiate yourself from LTCG.
1. If the shirt was made with sleeves, leave them there. No matter the quality of scissors or steadiness of your hand, cutting the sleeves off your shirts only looks good if you never plan on dating. Ever.
2. Don’t be afraid to occasionally veer the conversation away from NASCAR, hunting or Wal-Mart. Actually, we suggest you make an effort to never include the above when you’re talking unless she brings it up though, if she does, immediately locate the nearest emergency exit and plan your escape.
3. Most women do not think farting is not funny, no matter what they say. Learn it. Live it.
So there you have it. A simple, easy way to increase your Seduction Quotient through the subtle application of swankness. Lesson number one: be as little like Larry the Cable Guy as possible.
The Swank Life Team
Flickr / kb1jl