standard Building Charisma From the Ground Up

It's very simple. If you're going to get girls to pay attention to you, unless you've set your standards very low, you're going to need some charisma. Want to see charisma in action? Watch a James Bond or Humphrey Bogart movie. Modern Hollywood A-List actors like George Clooney, Brad Pitt, or Tom Cruise can be good for studying as well. We're talking about their onscreen performances of course. The difficulty lies in translating these manufactured traits and installing them to some extent in your real life.

But what is charisma? It's a nebulous concept, difficult to pin down. Like when the issue of pornography came before the Supreme Court, and one of the justice's famously said, “I can't define it but I know it when I see it.” We're going to try to help you out on the issue of charisma a little better than THAT. A bland definition might go like this:

Charisma (n): a personal attractiveness that enables you to influence others

A slightly less formal approach might be to say knowing when to speak, and what to say when you speak, knowing when not to speak, and how to carry yourself throughout.

This is sort of helpful but what does it have to do with anything? Here's the heart of the matter. Throughout history, people with incredible charisma have been able to achieve startling things, and exert undue influence simply because people wanted to be around them. We chose the word “startling” because charisma is not always used for the purpose of good. Adolph Hitler has plenty of charisma and look where he went with it.

Charisma makes people pay attention to you, even when you're not speaking. Charisma also can make that Super Hot Babe at the bar give you her telephone number when she's blown off every other feeble jerk that approached. That's the kind of charisma you need

1. Presence: The first element of charisma is “presence.” Presence, as used here, refers to the quality of commanding respectful attention. To further define presence, think of it more specifically as how you carry yourself . Picture a Lotus in a parking lot of Fords. The Lotus stands alone – as a European sports car, it's sleek and stylishly detailed compared to the conservative and boring Fords. It's not moving, it's not talking – it's not doing a thing and yet you've taken notice of it because of its detailed features. That is presence.

2. Regal Bearing: Bearing (n) : The manner in which one carries or conducts oneself. The most inclusive of the elements, bearing applies to both physical posture and general conduct: “He has the poise and bearing of a champion.” The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated. If you carry yourself as if you're a person aware of social graces, and if you carry yourself as if you're a person of prestige (you're used to having respect), for the most part you will be regarded in the same fashion. Act like an important person to be treated like one.

3. Manner: Manner (n) : a way of acting or behaving. If your presence and regal bearing have given women the impression that you're an important person and that you're considered an important person by others, manner, as we use it here, refers to how you act and behave in relation. What, then, is the manner of a charismatic persona? You put thought into your words and actions – you base what you do and say on how the other person will most likely I just finished the and I had some results. react. Before speaking to a person, you ask yourself: How is this person going to interpret my next few words? What kind of effect are they going to have? What effect is it that I'm going for? Will I sound like I know what I'm talking about? Or will I sound like a fool? Will I sound confident? Or will I sound cocky? Will I sound sincere, or will I sound fake? Will I come across as a good conversationalist, someone who listens more than he speaks? Or will I seem as though I talk too much and therefore am not a good conversationalist?

4. Finesse: Never seem to be in a hurry – hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time. Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually. Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease – so when you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Cloak your focus on the elements (which will more than likely seem intense when you first start practicing the art) by being confident on the outside and relaxed on the inside. Never let them see you sweat. Practice being subtle (“subtle,” as used here, means 'So slight as to be difficult to detect or analyze; elusive.').

5. Enigma: Enigma (n): An action, mode of action, or thing, which cannot be satisfactorily explained. In a world growing increasingly dull and familiar, what seems enigmatic instantly draws attention. Especially when it comes to today's dating / relationship arena. Many women tend to rate guys in the same grouping: little self-control, jerks when they don't get what they want, egotistical, loud, boring, macho, aggressive. . . So anything you can do to distance yourself from this group of “typical guys” stands to get you noticed – because your distance cannot be quickly and easily explained. The attraction of enigma can be explained as follows: It invites layers of interpretation, excites women's imagination, deceives them into believing that it conceals something exciting.

6. Diplomacy: Diplomacy (n): Tact and skill in dealing with people; subtly skillful handling of a situation involving others. Diplomacy represents a mastery of social skills. In the art of charisma, having it will make you, and not having it will break you. It is the ability to relate with anyone and everyone that you meet on their level. You must change your style and your way of speaking to suit each person and each situation. This isn't lying – this is acting. And acting, especially as it applies to charisma, is learned. You must become a chameleon, your colors constantly changing to adapt to the social atmosphere around you. In politics, a diplomat is someone sent by his government to keep up or improve relations with other governments. Although inwardly he may detest this other government and its people, he never lets it show. Instead, he shows respect and honors their customs and they love him for it. He is careful never to offend, yet he's also aware that to retain their respect he can't seem an ass-kisser.

The preceding should only be considered a primer on charisma. Volumes have been written on the subject – too much to take in at once. You also should consider that a lifetime of developing certain personality patterns might not be easily changed in a day. If it were that easy, everyone would have more charisma. Work bite-sized chunks into your everyday demeanor. Slowly, surely a new bearing will emerge. You'll eventually be dripping with charisma and the women will certainly notice.

The Swank Life Team

(Flickr / twm1340)