standard SL 42 – Frank Miniter Be The Ultimate Man

Today’s Swank Life show deals with the question so many men ask: How can I be the ultimate man? And it gives the answers that so many women are hoping listeners will take note of. Jake Swank talks to the author of The Ultimate Man’s Survival Guide, Frank Miniter. Frank gives a step-by-step summary of some of the main categories featured in his book, as well as throwing in a few tips on how to achieve the goal of being the Ultimate Man.

Key Takeaways

01.26 – The Ultimate Man has to be a balance of all of the different archetypes.

03.00 – Being the Provider isn’t just about getting a paycheck; it’s about understanding things like where your own food comes from.

04.09 – There’s also a very physical side to being the Ultimate Man – how can you deal with a crisis if you don’t know how far you can push yourself?

05.47 – The old-school idea of a gentleman is often under attack by certain feminist values, which just seems at odds.

08.18 – Women are looking for signs that you’ve put real intentions and real emotions into your actions.

10.08 – Hemingway sums up the idea that a real man needs to be able to disengage himself from what might happen and deal with what is happening. He is the calm during the storm.

13.18 – To find out more about how to be the Ultimate Man, head to www.FrankMiniter.com

13.42 – Despite what society thinks, honor codes are still so important, and living your own codes will make you that stand-up guy you want to be.

Mentioned in this episode

The Ultimate Man’s Survival Guide by Frank Miniter

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

Tweetables

How can a man be a man if he doesn’t know what to do in a crisis? Tweet this!

Nowadays, popular culture just isn’t augmenting these types of Ultimate Man men. Women have to go out and look for them. Tweet this!

In short, this Ultimate Man is a beacon in stability who retains elements of class and culture. Tweet this!

Transcript

Introduction

Are you living the swank life? It”s cool, it”s classy, it”s cutting edge. It”s everything you want out of life. If you want more dates, more fun and a better lifestyle, it”s time to raise the bar and start living the swank life.


Jake Swank:
Hey guys, welcome to the Swank Life show where we talk about dating, entertainment and lifestyle. This is your host, Jake Swank, and we”ve got a great show for you today. Be sure to visit the website at www.SwankLife.com. Take advantage of our blog and our special offers, we”ve got all kinds of great stuff for you there to enhance your lifestyle in many, many ways, so www.SwankLife.com. Go check it out.

Hey, it”s my pleasure to welcome Frank Miniter to the show, he is the bestselling author of The Ultimate Man”s Survival Guide and you”re going to get some great ideas from this. I think Frank has really hit the nail on the head on some aspects here, and it”s good to have him on. Frank, welcome, how”re you doing?

Frank Miniter:
Very good, thanks for having me here.

Jake:
The pleasure is all mine. You”re coming to us from New York State, I believe, right?

Frank:
Absolutely.

Jake:
OKay, good. Where in New York State?

Frank:
Upstate a little bit from New York City.

Jake:
Okay, fantastic. So The Ultimate Man”s Survival Guide. You talk about some different male archetypes here: The Survivor, The Provider, The Athlete, The Hero, The Romantic, The Cultured Man, The Philosopher. Does the ultimate man embody all of these things?

Frank:
Right, the Ultimate Man is a well-rounded man who understands how to fix a flat tire, how to potentially stop an aggressor – I actually talked to UFC fighters about that for the skills a man should know about how to stop that bad guy – he knows how to be a romantic man and how to deal with women. Is dealing with women just presenting flowers and candy? Is there something more to it? There”s a lot more to it, of course, but it”s all those parts of a man that make a guy the Ultimate Man.

Jake:
OKay, good. So take us through these different parts of the archetype in whatever order you like. I”ve got it as Survivor, Provider, Athlete, Hero, Romantic, Cultured Man and Philosopher. Explain those different men to us, if you would.

Frank:
I start with Survivor, because how can a man be a man if, when a crisis happens, he doesn”t know what to do, he doesn”t know how to respond and he can”t change that flat tire. If the lights go out, what if he doesn”t understand how to put them back on again or what to do? Or God forbid, there”s some emergency and someone has a broken arm or some other wound, how do you deal with that? You need to save their life and get help as soon as possible. How do you be that man in a crisis? I actually spend time with Special Forces people, talking about that. They go through the training, and that”s what it comes down to. It all comes down to the training and the skills that you get from that training, so that when you find yourself in that horrible situation, you”re able to act in a manly manner and take care of it very quickly. That”s the manly thing to do, and that”s what women want – that”s what every man wants to be! That”s why I started off with “How can you be that survivor?”

I”ll move on to being the Provider. The Provider is something different; it”s somebody who earns the paycheck, who”s a stand-up guy, but also in the old-school fashion, it”s a guy who gets his own meat. He”s not afraid to go out there and kill his own meat. I don”t say that everyone has to hunt or fish to be a man, but I do think you have to have an understanding of where your food comes from in order to be a man. You can”t just sit there and eat a steak in a nice restaurant in the middle of the city and turn up an eyebrow at someone who”s killing their own meat and putting it on their own table. They”re taking that basic primal thing that always made a man and doing it real. You have to understand what that means and how you can be the ethical man in those situations. That”s very profound, deep stuff that we used to understand. If we go back to men like Ernest Hemingway, he was a hunter for a reason. He got that connection that we really do have to nature. To really be green, you can”t step out of nature that way, and he just put it in a very basic way. They tell this to vegetarians and it”s great, but they”re still not above what”s going on our there. For example, every farmer who raises crops still has to control wildlife populations, or they”ll just be raising crops for the wildlife. There”s still a part of the system where we”re still that much a part of the system. A man has to understand that to be a man. That”s why man does have to be a provider by at least understanding where his food comes from.

Then I go into Heroism and the Athlete. That”s about how you learn those skills and disposition – how can you be a man in a crisis, for example, if you”ve never pushed yourself. You”re not going to know how far your body can do, what you can do and what you can”t do – you”re not going to have those basic skills, and those are learnt in sport, and those are learnt in other ways as we go out into the outdoors and do other things that men do. You have to physically push yourself in order to learn those kind of basic things. That”s why I get into that, and that”s where I started to step into the deeper levels of what being a man is.

In the Heroism chapter, I talked to a lot of Wounded Warriors about this, and it”s all about codes of honor. Those are the basis for what a man is. You can go across cultures and across time and find out that codes of honor are always what has made a man. The Japanese have the wonderful code of Bushido, but religions have them too: the teachings of Taoism, the Ten Commandments as part of Christianity, and so on. They”re just basic moral codes and guidelines that a real man follows, and he understands what they are as he applies them to his life. If you don”t have that, then you”re just a wishy washy guy floating around, and women will see that in you. As I”ve talked to women and I”ve gone to speak about this with the media, women callers have called in to radio shows or the women who were in audiences would come up and talk to me later and say “I really want this guy, where do I find this guy who has real honor and real old school values that are based in something real?” I tell them, “They”re out there, but you have to look for them. Unfortunately, popular culture is not augmenting that type of person any longer. Today was have the metrosexual idea of what a man is supposed to be, instead of someone who”s really proven themselves.”

Jake:
OKay, take us through the rest of the archetypes, and then I want to go back and tie some of this in and do some specific actionable “how-to” ideas on how any guy listening can implement this in their lives. Let”s go through the rest of the archetypes first.

Frank:
Sure. The next section is then “Gentleman”. That”s an old-school idea of the man who opens the door for a woman, who doesn”t get out of the elevator first if there”s a woman on, carries the package for a woman. Those are all normal, old-school things to do but unfortunately, feminism today has found some of that to be chauvinistic. To me, that”s kind of strange. Women still want you to behave that way, except for a few of the femenazis that are out there. Most really want you to behave that way, but it”s just not talked about or understood in popular culture in the way it used to be. Those are very basic things to get you to be that man you really do want to be. There is a difference between the sexes, and we have to acknowledge that and to be that stand-up guy. Going through that part of the book, I through some of the rules of the old examples and in each one of these sections, I put in profiles from men who were these kind of stand-up guys and I put flesh on their bones so you can visually see who they are.

Then in the end of the book, I go into the philosophy of what makes a man. There is a real philosophy to this and you can go back and find these great thinkers through time. I spoke with a man who actually wrote a guide for his son on how his son could be that stand-up guy, and not to be that Machiavellian who looks at whatever is going on Sure, it will take serious efforts: horoscope for sagittarius are inclined to get new erotic impressions by changing the partner rather than perfecting the relationships with someone who has already fallen victim to their charm. today and tries to push things this way or that way. It was someone who really believed in real things and real values and earned those values – that”s the philosophy a man should follow. I go deeply into that in the last part of this book so you can understand what a man really is trying to be and should be.

Jake:
Alright, we need more stand-up guys in today”s culture, that”s for dang sure. Philosopher, Cultured Man, Romantic.

Frank:
Yeah, all those things go together. If you have one without the other, it falls apart.

Jake:
Okay, alright. If you want to mention any more of those archetypes – I call them archetypes, I don”t know if that”s the right word, but correct me if you like. Give some tips, Frank, if you would, on how guys listening can become this Ultimate Man. Ayn Rand called it the Ideal Man in her books Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead. There are just so many great ideas in them, really. What can guys listening do to become this person, to become their best self?

Frank:
You have to learn it through practical knowledge, and you have to go into each section of those to really understand what you”re trying to become. When it came to women, I went and interviewed a lot of women because men are not going to give you the correct answer. I asked them: “What does a man try to be?” A man tends to be practical – he gives flowers, he gives candy, he shows his intentions in a very clear, practical way, thinking 1 1=2. With women, 1 1 doesn”t necessarily equal 2. They want to know the intentions behind it and the emotion behind it. If you just gave her flowers, okay, that”s forgettable. It”s great the first time, but the second and third time, not so great. There has to be a real rationale or reason to it. For example, if you go and buy her a stone for her birthday, make it her birthstone, for example. Tell her where you got it and why, tell her the meaning behind it. If you”re going to buy her chocolates, get her a good, expensive chocolate and look at where it was made and what the meaning behind that is. By going to that trouble of finding something that she”s going to particularly enjoy, you”re showing her your intentions and your emotions beyond just that gift. That”s what women are looking for. Make sure you do that in all your actions, both as you go out there romantically but also as you deal with your wife, so you can keep that alive.

Jake:
I would totally agree. Having a story behind something makes it a lot more interesting than just the thing itself, doesn”t it?

Frank:
That”s what women are looking for, to be honest with you, and they”re right. That emotion between the things is the real stuff, otherwise it could be a lie and it could just be based on something false. You could just be trying to seduce a women, whereas if there”s actually emotion and if you actually go through all the trouble for that, that shows intent and it shows something deeper.

Jake:
Good stuff. Alright. What else should guys know?

Frank:
It”s just practical things that teach us the rites of passage to be these kinds of stand-up guys. One of the things I”ve done in my life that I really enjoy is I go over to Pamplona to run with the bulls. That”s a very misunderstood thing to go and do; it”s a manly thing to do, but it”s very misunderstood. People see that as just an adrenaline rush, and a lot of people do get in the streets for that reason, but I actually hung out with a bunch of guys who run with the bulls for deeper reasons. At first, they”ll go to the Catholic mass and they”ll pray to the saint, Saint Fermín, who is the basis of that festival. There is a deep, real meaning to it. It”s about what they”re trying to push themselves to and overcome as they deal with their mortality. I got into the street with these people after they”d prayed and after they”d gone through that process, and when the bulls come, that”s the test of how much you can disengage what might happen from what really will happen. That”s real manly stuff. Hemingway put that very well when he said “Courage is basically the ability to disengage yourself from what might happen”. By doing that, when those bulls are coming and they”re stampeding down the street and you hear that boom, boom, boom, people are panicking. Their faces are melting off and they”re just losing it all around you, but you have to keep your head while all others are losing theirs. That”s what being a man is really about.

Jake:
Then there”s a great quote for that – I can”t remember the quote, but I think it was Rudyard Kipling who said that, and that”s an awesome poem.

Frank:
It”s Kipling”s poem, yeah.

Jake:
Just to excerpt it. So it seems like this ideal man that you”re portraying needs to be this beacon of stability, the calm during the storm, the capable person who can handle things, who can provide, who doesn”t freak out and has some class and some culture. These are things that are just completely missing from today”s world, aren”t they? It”s kind of depressing, isn”t it?

Frank:
In this book, I talk about how to light and smoke a cigar, how to pick a fine cigar, how to pick a fine wine, the ten drinks a man should know. We see them now as sins and something to hide away, but those are actually something that we refine in men. Think about it, drinking itself isn”t manly. It”s not drinking too much and drinking properly that”s manly. That”s true with all the sins.

Jake:
There”s a good one I heard from Earl Nightingale many years ago. He said: “Money is like alcohol – it makes a good man better and a bad man worse.” It”s having the correct amount of moderation to enjoy thing, but not go overboard. That”s definitely good. What are some of the ten drinks? Tell us about those.

Frank:
Whisky sour, and so on. Your story just reminded me of something else. Mark Twain used to tell a joke about this cultured man who uses the sins – he said he was going down the road one day and he came across this guy sitting on the curb. He was down-and-out and out of his luck and he said “You know what, have a cigar. It”ll make you feel better and you”ll feel like a man. You”ll smoke that, go off and you”ll achieve something.” And then the guy says “No, no, I don”t smoke.” He replied, “You don”t smoke? Okay, here have some chewing tobacco. Take a bite off of that, you”ll feel like a man again and you”ll go about your way.” The guy says “No, I don”t chew.” Mark Twain then said “Alright, come on, I”m going to the tavern, I”m going to meet some friends, I”ll buy you a beer. You”ll have the beer and you”ll feel like a man again and everything”ll be great. The guy says “No, I don”t drink either.” Mark Twain said “You don”t smoke, you don”t drink, don”t chew. Alright, tell you what. Come on, I”m bringing you home, I”m going to give you a good meal because I want my wife to see what happens to a man who has no redeeming petty vices!”

Jake:
[Laughs] That”s funny! Well, I wouldn”t recommend any of those vices, but I do get your point. It”s like Oscar Wilde – we”re talking about all these quotes today. He said “If you think my virtues are good, just wait until you see my vices.”

Everybody needs a few vices, I agree with you. It”s human nature.

Frank:
Not everybody can handle a drink. If you know that about yourself, then your moderation is not to drink. Other people can handle a little wine or a little bourbon once in a while, that”s their moderation.

Jake:
Right, I totally got you. Give out your website, Frank, and tell people where they can find out more about the ultimate man.

Frank:
It”s www.FrankMiniter.com, or you can find the Ultimate Man”s Survival Guide on www.Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble. Really, you can find it wherever book are sold.

Jake:
Good stuff. Any closing thoughts?

Frank:
To be that hero, that stand-up guy we all want to be, it”s real. It”s not a fake thing the way popular culture puts it. They see codes of honor as being trite and old-fashioned and too simplistic. They”re not. They”re the basis for just actions, and it”s about when you understand that. I put a lot of codes of honor in this book, for example, so read through them and pick the ones out that make sense to you. Write them down and think about it some more. As you think about it, write your own code of honor and live by that code and refine it as you go through life. If you do that and you have that basis, I think you”ll find that pretty soon, you”re the stand-up man you really want to be.

Jake:
Awesome, good stuff. Frank Miniter, thanks for joining us.

Frank:
Any time.

Outro
This show is produced by the Hartman Media Company, all rights reserved. For publication rights and media interviews, please visit www.HartmanMedia.com or email media@hartmanmedia.com. This show is for entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered personal or professional advice. Please consult an appropriate professional if you require individualized advice. Opinions of guests are their own and the host is acting on behalf of the Hartman Media Company, exclusively.

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