Have you heard of the “half your age plus seven” dating rule? It goes like this. To find out the absolute lowest age of anyone you should date, divide your own age by two and add seven years.” For those with math difficulty, that means a 40-year old should not stray below the age of 27. We’re not prudes here, and please don’t make the mistake of shooting the messenger but, perhaps unfortunately, society deems intimate relationships socially acceptable only if the ages of the two parties fall between certain parameters.
<a rel="attachment wp-att-674" href="http://swanklife.com/blog/swankette-sisters-set-to-challenge-tempe12-dominance/attachment/2617276183_7292a9cbec_m/"><img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-674" src="http://swanklife.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/5327868244_a9a8e1b85d_m.jpg" alt="" width="159" height="240" /></a>Swanky people recognize and appreciate the better things in life. We like luxury goods as a matter of course: cars, yachts, private jets that leave a carbon footprint the size of <a href="http://www.algore.com/" target="_blank">Al Gore’s</a> expanding waistline. When it comes to spending the wealth we create, it’s all about keeping our hard-earned (or sometimes passively earned) income in circulation. That’s the patriotic thing to do. And don’t forget about Uncle Sam’s affinity for a little thing he calls a “luxury tax.”
But not everyone has been wealthy all along. Some are just beginning to realize the fruits of their labor and for those people, the newly swank, we offer the following primer on how to recognize the better things in life. In short, know your luxury goods!
While some might doubt the necessity of creating a stronghold against hordes of roaming zombies, the point is not whether zombies actually exist or not – in fact, the Centers for Disease Control swears they don’t – but rather that a website like Realtor.com put together a list of “prime zombie defense real estate.” In case you’re wondering just how much it costs to snag one of these pieces of property, let’s say it’s not cheap. Here are a few examples from Yahoo.com Homes.
Is it moral to be wealthy? Abso-freaking-lutely. In fact, given the financial opportunities that still exist in America today, despite our political and economic leaders best attempts to eradicate, there’s no better place on earth to start from nowhere and get really stinkin’ rich. So what are Swankonomics™? These are the principles Jake Swank lives by. Why pay attention to him? Well, he has a swanky penthouse a stone’s throw from the Arizona State university campus for one.
Actually, it would be more accurate to say that borrowing from a loan shark is a VERY bad idea. In case you were wondering, having a loan shark know your name and where you live is about as unswanky as it gets. For the purposes of this article, we’ll define a loan shark as an unlicensed moneylender who charges an exorbitantly high rate of interest, then uses threats and violence to intimidate people who can’t pay back the loan. For a possibly accurate look at the life of a loan shark, read the book Get Shorty by Elmore Leonard. You can watch the movie if you like. It’s pretty good too.
No one here is silly enough to tell you that comfortable wealth is a requirement to being swanky. Of course it’s not and there are some things in this world more important than money, but let’s face it, life goes down much easier when there’s enough return on profit to ease the way. In a nutshell, here’s what we suggest. Quit investing in Wall Street and start investing in Main Street. What exactly do we mean by this high-falutin’ and intentionally vague directive?
If, at the end of an evening of general carousing, your group of friends usually ends up at your swanky place, then you’ve got to have a well-stocked home bar. We’re talking about mixed drinks too now. It doesn’t count to just go to the fridge and pull out a brewski. Whether you’re schmoozing the boss, romancing a date, or impressing the hell out of a friend, becoming a home mixologist is imperative!
With the recent news that Oracle CEO Larry Ellison has bought Lanai, Hawaii’s sixth largest island, the first question that came to our mind was, “Who even knew it was for sale?” It turns out that, for the 3,200 residents of this rural, almost forgotten island (when it comes to tourism), history has been a string of deep-pocketed western owners who don’t mind losing $20 million to $30 million dollars each year. But our purpose here is not to sit down and hash out whether or not Ellison’s ownership will be a good or bad thing. What we’re more concerned about is pondering the inherent swankiness in owning an island.